The Dream

I'm going to break a personal rule and write about a dream I had a few weeks ago.

In my dream I handed my daughter to an old woman to hold for a moment. When I turned back, the woman had put Lilah in a little straw boat and floated her down a river, like a baby Moses.

IDIOT! How could she do something so stupid. I ran downstream, looking frantically for any sign of her or the boat. Then I saw the boat, it was overturned and caught in some reeds. Lilah was nowhere in sight. I dove into the river head-first. I was like a robot. The only thought in my head was "Go. Go. Go. Do something. Do something. Do something."

I swam through the dark water towards the bottom. It was murky but Lilah's pink jacket started to come into view. I thought, "I need to get her to the surface as fast as possible and start CPR right away."

And then I woke up.

In a way the dream was relieving. One of my deepest fears is in a moment of crisis I might freeze, too overcome with emotion to move. In my dream this was not a problem. On the contrary, I felt like an unstoppable force. It was only after I had woken that the emotions swept over me and I could hardly control myself I was crying so hard.

Happy Fathers Day.